twilight-cat

I wasn't ready for you. I was ready for a brawl. I was ready to trade in the hand I'd been dealt for new cards, all of them the queen of hearts. I was ready to fight my mother for the next four years, to blow so many holes in our relationship that we're still half-sunk & bailing water out of a boat we don't recognise anymore. I was ready for a drink. I was ready to hit rock bottom & start digging, to put out my own fire with dirt and a shovel. I was ready to be the kind of shitty girlfriend that leaves you hanging on the other end of the line while I chain smoke cigarettes in the rain, to spend six years and counting waiting for another m

1. It has been twenty seven days since I last let the    hawk-eyed man into my head, ninety four hours    since I last drank myself to sleep, and thirty two    minutes since I last kept my mother from the truth.    Tonight, she still thinks I have hope, but it may be    the last time she believes I'm still whole. i. Last night, I dreamt of the boy next door, the gun    in his drawer, the whiskey under his bed, the hate    in his eyes when he drags me out of bed to tell me    I've ruined another story, I've fanned another flame.    This boy does not know my mother, but I suspect    they would get along quite wel

I wasn't ready for you. I was ready for a brawl. I was ready to trade in the hand I'd been dealt for new cards, all of them the queen of hearts. I was ready to fight my mother for the next four years, to blow so many holes in our relationship that we're still half-sunk & bailing water out of a boat we don't recognise anymore. I was ready for a drink. I was ready to hit rock bottom & start digging, to put out my own fire with dirt and a shovel. I was ready to be the kind of shitty girlfriend that leaves you hanging on the other end of the line while I chain smoke cigarettes in the rain, to spend six years and counting waiting for another m